I really must know why it is that children get all the cool product. I am continually struck with jealousy when seeing products aimed for children. For instance, I saw Spider-Man body wash for kids the other day. Yes, it's true. They have Spider-Man body wash for *gulps in envy* for... children. Now, I know, I know that kids do appreciate and have plenty of fun with their cool Spider-man body wash, Yoda gummy vitamins, and cool Belle costumes (You can probably detect the nerd levels rising, but do not be alarmed. This is merely the tip of the iceberg of what I have in store. *dramatic organ pipes out a shiver-inducing "duhn-duhn-DUHN"*); but I do indeed object to the idea that adults no longer desire such seemingly childlike products. I would like an age appropriate smelling Spider-Man body wash for girls, or a Belle costumed designed for the grown-up Disney princess that bursts out in song within and without me. I ask you: "Are these small things too much to hope for? Is the grown-up population of the world doomed to a life without Spider-Man body wash?" I cannot say. Oh, to be that young again, and enjoy the simple joys of life... I know it's terribly wrong, but I literally thought: I can't wait to have kids, so that I can buy these products for myself and it not look completely deranged. How truly terrible am I...
Join me, and let us plead our truly heart-breaking case of "Too Age-Appropriate Commercialism" to the world.
Nell McKinnon
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